


Making changes

by Sarahlouise52



Category: Berena - Fandom, Holby City
Genre: F/F, holby city - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-05 16:57:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10312880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarahlouise52/pseuds/Sarahlouise52
Summary: Bernie Wolfe had full intention of leaving for KievFirst fiction I dreamed this then wrote it comments welcome will post more chapters if people like





	1. What's important

"I errr i went to see Hanson"

"ohh"

"I've accepted the secondment "

"what....."

"I think the prospect of me leaving just put to much pressure on us to decide how we feel!"

"No no it made me realise I told you I don't want you to go"

"That's what you don't want, you need time and space to decide what you do want"

"Its the same thing"

"no its not"

"I know I don't want to hurt you, because I care about you."

"No, no, please don't do this, I could come and see you, we could meet half way."

"stop please."

"am sorry"

Head resting against the steering wheel thoughts racing through Bernie's head a thousand different feelings coursing through her body.

"stupid stupid cow"

her thoughts interrupted by the buzz of her phone, cam calling with a quick swipe wiping the tear drop from one eye answering with the free hand.

"hi cam" 

"how could you mum why? me and char cant go through this again"

"cam its just something I need to do"

With that the line goes dead. Hurting the people she loves, Bernie Wolfe never fails to surprise herself .  
Looking up through watery eyes, how the hell did cam find out so quickly." pulling her from her deep thoughts, alarmed by Raff shouting

"Serena, Serena please" 

And there she is, rushing over to her parked car two spaces ahead of where Bernie's parked swinging her brief case in the passenger door. Bernie's sat there transfixed confused lost in her thoughts asking herself why she needs this. Why she Just cant stay and face her fear. How did this happen when did I need anyone in my life, I've always been so independent. Fuck, why did I come to Holby, just drive bern just drive, until a loud roar of an engine screeching of the wheels interrupts her thoughts. Reversing into the front of Bernie's car, then it stops for a few seconds. Bernie can see Serena's tear stained eyes red and raw as she looks in her rear view mirror, and there eyes lock and then she's gone Bernie's never seen Serena drive so erratically. So she starts up her own car and she's hot on her trail speeding down the side streets wheels screeching cutting up corners Bernie's struggling to keep up stupid women what's she doing banging her hands against the steering wheel knuckles are white due to the grip all the time shes in auto pilot all she can see is serenas life flashing before her eyes her body is overtaken by fears and regret. And then suddenly Serena's turning onto a cul de sac, slowing the car down, the calmness of the engine quite and secluded. Bernie's unsure were she is Serena's whipped the car around into a drive way stops abruptly in front of a large white garage door, and Bernie stops on the opposite side of the street frozen to the spot at what has just happened shaking more now. tears streaming down her cheeks think Bernie think what to do Serena's safe. get out and give her a piece of my mind, her minds racing there and then in that moment I could of lost her forever more tears uncontrollably racing out of her eyes. I need to go if only her body would move still sat in her car just go home. Thank god the stupid idiot never killed herself anger love fear and regret all coursed her body....


	2. Walking away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for kudos if you guys continue to like I will keep posting not sure if this is of interest to anyone

The slamming of a car door then the shouting of 

"Bernie Wolfe"

caught her attention   
Bernie opens her car door slamming the door abruptly, and stands in the road.  
"what do you want Bernie ? why are you here?"

she's angry her voice raising she thinks, rain pelting down on her flush skin. She's never seen Serena this angry. 

"you could of killed yourself Serena"

her breathe is whispy, all the air seems to have left her lungs.

"oh no ! you can manage that all in five minutes, go on Bernie, run to Kiev go ! but don't expect for time to stand still ! don't expect for me to be here waiting for you because I wont."

tears streaming down Serena's face her voice getting weaker and weaker and before Bernie can get her words out.   
Serena turning the key in the big wooden oak door. Bernie's right behind her.

"what Serena. w h a t do you mean?" panic in her voice  
and now Bernie's trying really hard to compose herself to stop the tears surely Serena's just angry she would never leave holby raf fletch and Jason she couldn't dessert him surely.

"am leaving to Bernie!"

and takes a step inside turning to Bernie 

"am sorry. But you did this to us."

"but I need you Serena ...please ... what about Holby? what about Jason ? and where I need to know ......come on now your not being fair"

"I've left my resignation on Hansen desk. am no longer your co lead and anywhere but holby" "fair Bernie fair you've got a god dam cheek"

"its just space serena god dam it cant you see that, why wont you understand we both need this." 

Bernie reaches out to touch serena grab her wrist. She needs the touch the contact.

"NO." Serenas pulling away "don't touch me" "you need this not me" "you Bernie you its always been about you. you make decisions for both of us , you decide whats best , but now its this its not about you its about me." 

"It's always been abut you"

"Pardon" 

"I ...I mean the decisions I've made its always Been about you"

Serena's voice is cold and harsh closing into Bernie and says coldly.

"and if you needed me, if you wanted this , you wouldn't be leaving. but you are, and am tired of you deciding for both of us."

Serena closes the door, and with a quick sharp foot in a slight gap ! "please Serena lets just talk then I will go." 

Serena opens the door and says   
"as if I have a choice and walks down the hallway. "


	3. Wanting you

serena gently turns, around   
slips her shoes off and hangs her coat on the airer. bernies left standing soaking wet a bit dazed by Serenas words. Bernie's turned to close the door gently. walking forward enacting serenas movements removing her shoes and coat following serena.

opposite the shoe rack is a large wooden door with six glass panels she peers through in a split second scanning the front room for Jason. serena walks through to the kitchen taking two cups from the rack, flicking the kettle.

bernies standing against the door frame watching in awe as serena glides around the kitchen preparing two coffees and then turns and hands one to Bernie not looking avoiding contact she can see through her littered fringe, serenas eyes are still red but the tears have stopped. there they are stood frozen until a few moments pass serenas coughs saying 

"you want to talk , then talk Bernie."

her voice is clipped almost as if theres no emotion no feeling bernies taken back by her tone her heart breaking all over again. shit she thinks. how do I say this. I don't want to lose her, I cant !.

"am sorry, I thought it was for the best " staring intently down at her coffee. Bernie knows if she looks up she will break.

"best for you bern " with a halted voice. Bernie's unsure weather serenas crying again, she can't look up physically move her head she doesn't want to see the women in front of her breaking.

"no for us both, maybe I was wrong, seeing you like this I cant stand it . Looking up at serena finding the courage from somewhere serena, you could of killed yourself what was you thinking?"

I wasn't thinking that's just it. you came and turned my life upside down turned my stomach inside out and then announce your leaving after I asked begged you to stay. and am suppose to be ok with that ? 

"Am still here arnt I " "no I didn't mean I meant "

"You broke us....this whatever this is down when you should of been building it up"

"no no I knew it was going to be hard am sorry oh god am so sorry I don't want to hurt you and I will I hurt everything Marcus alex cam char that's me serena that's just what I do but I don't want to lose my best friend and my well you know no what I mean is I care about you a lot and I don't want it to be like this I need you. I want you. oh god I do serena , I really do but am confused scared am lost all I know is I don't want to hurt you please believe me"

"but your already doing it " " why didn't you just tell me. 

" honestly I thought I could just leave just go and we would get by I didn't want to screw it up like I have done in the past "and well "

Bernie walks towards Serena and goes to touch her arm in a brief gesture. 

"please bern please don't "

"but I need you. if tonight if something anything .... would of happened to you well I couldn't I just couldn't bear it" "it made me realise"

"Go on"

" that I "she stops like she always does when she needs to say the words so instead she continues" made a mess of this and fucked up Wolfe style"

Bernie can feel the heat of the brief touch it just makes her want to touch her more she's always felt like this the little back rubs rushing of bodies in aau it's always been heated hot and always left her wanting needing more so much more. But she knows serena needs space so she takes a step back. 

"Bernie look its right for you to go ,its right for you to go and build the unit, its what you want . but for us its not, for cam and char its not, and Jason .he well you know its hard , and for me I mean what I said I cant wait. I cant do this " quickly wiping away the tears serenas voice is breaking "am sorry Bernie I just cant do this ive told you how I feel you know I don't want it this way but its been you choice you decided you needed the secondment more than this" serenas crying at her own words she's setting Bernie free. 

"Serena don't cry please" 

Bernie's eyes are glazed shes trying her best to control herself. when serenas like this all she wants to do is hold her, make it better. but how can she she caused this, this is her fault . she doesn't say anything just walks over to serena and holds her ,stroking her hair taking in her scent tears streaming down her face. 

"serena listen to me look at me" serena carries on crying cant seem to control the sobs Bernie waits for these to pass a little and 

" Serena look at me"

serena looks up eyes red tears still running down her cheek Bernie wiping them away with her thumb holding her face in her hands serena staring deep into the big brown pools. Bernie's can't take this seeing Serena like this she needs to put it all right she needs to hold her and never let her go. 

"I wont go ill stay here with you I wont leave I promise you ill never leave you again"

"its to late ive already handed my resignation to hannsen bern its to late we, me and you, we are broken, our well..... i mean my fading dream is breaking apart "

serena leans in with a gentle kiss 

"this is our goodbye"

"NO stop. no its not don't you say that. its our dream all this i cant seem to .....what i mean is I will fix it remember am your big macho....". serena concludes 

"army medic "

and a brief smile appear then disappears with the words 

"how I don't know how serena but I will"

 

pulling serena away gripping her upperarms I will but first come on tugging her hand towards the hall way 

"ohh bern I.... "

"no I don't mean .... I mean food you need food car come on"  
" with a little wink grabbing her bag both putting there shoes and coats back on Bernie states its better that she drives serena smiles at her comment and they set off driving through the streets looking straight a head trying to control her breathing, facing my fear Serena Campbell made me face my fear and stop being a coward. 

Bernie pulls up on a little street serena been sat quietly thinking about tonight's events it happened so slow yet so fast... Bernie reaches over ok? 

"yes yes" "where are we ?"

"my flat " "why?"

"I just needed to collect some things would you like to come in ?

"I think ill be fine here for a moment"

Bernie opens the door and steps into the cold night 

"oh gosh sorry"

bends over back into the car places a kiss on serenas lips lingering for a few seconds Bernie pulls away briefly apologising.

" what are you sorry for" 

Leaning into her neck sweetly whispers in serenas ear.

"this is hard for me, am scared, you scare me well not you. my feelings I find it hard sometimes. 

serena brings her hand up to Bernie's face sweeping her hands against her skin.

"Bernie its its ok just go go on"

Bernie closes the car door, striding across the carpark trying not to look back head swarming with all different questions. Bernie's key is in the door and shes rushing up the stairs. Right she thinks acting strong I've got to be strong searching for her rucksack a few set of cloths p.j.s underwear toiletries two single photos of char and cam and one of her and serena in there aau scrubs shoves them in her bag then, Bernie sits on the bed looking staring into space is this the right thing shit what am I doing am giving up one dream for another do I really want serena more than kiev god yes I want her I want her so much but why I don't get it I was never like this with Marcus what is it about her that I need so much is it love do I love her. Bernie's asking herself then she smiles maybe I never loved Marcus I never wanted him like this its got to be because if it wasn't then I could just leave go and not look back but after today something keeps stopping me. Am I love she asks herself yes, am in love with Serena bloody Campbell. Bernie's up off the bed and before she knows it is looking scanning each room as if she's leaving for the final time. At the well of the stairs staring in the mirror strong Bernie she says major Wolfe she's saying out aloud Serena needs you to be strong and fearless. With the little pep talk she locks up and thinks shit cam, I need to tell cam....

meanwhile...... serenas sat in the car staring out not taking her eyes of the front door of bern flat what if she runs what if I give her everything and its just not enough she sees Bernie locking the door ruck sack draped over her shoulder deep breathe deep breathes as she sees her talking on the phone what could be so important maybe shes changed her mind 

"hi mum "

"hi cam sorry about earlier "

with a broken voice looking straight in the direction of the car parked up 

"cam am not.... I mean am staying at holby "

"yeah great but how long till you do this again "

"am not leaving any of you again I promise"

"But you never...say that mum.."

"Bernie's voice is breaking again "look ill call u later do you mean it or is this just an empty promise"

"no cam i mean it"

"bye mum "

"bye"

As Bernie chucks her bag on the back seat she notices serenas skin is pale she looks confused and angry.

"Serena whats a matter"

"nothing just drive,the silence is strained. 

"is everything ok ?" 

"I mean shall we collect food" 

"yes whats with the bag"

teardrops falling down her cheeks 

Bernie instantly pulls over shit she thinks am leaving again. 

" hey just a few bits its not what you think "

"who was on the phone?"

"cam ..... it was cam I had to tell him, I was staying in holby Serena. he cut me off earlier   
when he rang." 

"oh ok I just thought"

"I know what you thought. you need to trust me"

Serena, reached over stroking bernies cheek she responded by leaning in for a brief moment.

food. food we need food.

Bernie pulled out and a few min later she pulled into a parking bay pizza?? "yes sure "

bernies ordered a large pizza and some fries while its cooking shes sitting staring into space asking herself how did I fall in love with my best friend and fuck it up so badly.

twenty min later she emerges with the fooddriving in silence then shortly they pulled up at serenas. Bernie got her bag and food and casually walked into Serenas. a little nervous Bernie had an idea.... 

"Serena just need a smoke and make a call. can I go out back?"

whilst placing the food on the side dropping her bag to the floor 

"yes of course ill pour some wine"

leans in kisses serena on the forehead gently "wont be long" and with that she walks out the patio doors onto the patio pulls out her phone


	4. Telling the truth

"Hi its ms Wolfe" 

"oh hello ms Wolfe problem?"

"Well yes, mr Hansen in regards to the secondment. I was a bit hasty accepting i don't want to be away for that long, so i am going to have to retract my decision. I have some what of a family emergency, i need to attend to and it requires me to be present for the unforeseeable future."

"ummm well ms Wolfe, i am sorry to hear that under the curcumstances i will be happy to accomadate your request."

"Thank you, Mr Hansen and if that will be all ms Wolfe."

"Well actually, there is a few other things i would like to discuss with you, ms Campbell being one of them." 

"mmm go on ms Wolfe!"

"I am aware ms Campbell, left her resignation on your desk prior to her departure today."

"I believe that is so, i have an unopened envelope on my desk!"

"Well Mr Hansen Mrs Campbell did that in haste, we had quite a turbulent day, and she was overwhelmed. She regrets her decision, and would like to retract this."

"Also ms Wolfe, i would need to speak with Mrs Campbell personally."

"Yes, that is fine, i will ask her to call and confirm tomorrow."

"Would there be anything else, i could help you with ms Wolfe?"

"Well, yes, i know this puts you in an impossible situation, however we will require some time off due to unforeseen circumstances."

"Ms Wolfe, i have lost you both in a day and gained my two best surgeon back, in a day. So therefor i can spare you four days leave then duties will resume."

"That will be great mr Hansen."

"Thank you that will be all goodbye, i hope you have a pleasant evening."

Bernie stood on the yard looking out woundering, if this had been the right thing to do. Whilst carefully lighting the cigarette. Is this what i wanted she asked herself. What do i want ? i want Serena, i want Holby, i want char and cam back in my life. Now came the hard part the talking bit, giving Serena security that she was never going to leave . How could she do that when she couldn't even give herself the assurance. Oh shit ! Bernie Wolfe, you have to do this. Bernie discarded her cigarette, and entered the large Georgian house. Serena was at the worktop holding the photos.

"I wasn't snooping, the zip was open and i noticed them come......" 

"Bernie interrupts sit down, let me tell you, dinner can wait a few moments. You see these three people here, they are the most important people in my life. I take these everywhere char and cams i use to take on tour with me every night. i kiss them goodnight. "

Serena looks surprised.

"And this one " Bernie says with a horse voice. as if its going to fail her at any min. 

"you use to sit proudly on my night lamp was the last thing i seen and the first thing i seen every morning." "This is my family, pointing to all three photos. I don't have one of Jason, but I would love one he makes this family complete."

Serena stands, leans over grabs the back of bernies neck and kisses her passiontly and then pulls away. 

"Dinner Ms Wolfe, mmm yes am starving."

Looking through her blonde fringe, scared to look up directly into Serena eyes. Serena brought the food to the table the sat eating in silence. Bernie looked up into Serenas eyes.  
"I think we should talk now !" 

"ok" 

Serena's voice was clipped they both entered the large living room all creams and a large brown leather sofa Serena sat and Bernie sat next to her but not to close to her. Bernie was sat upright. Bernie knew whilst talking she couldn't touch Serena, have the contact it would distract her and she needed space. 

"Serena, i spoke to Hansen"  
"oh you did "

brows are furrowed confusion and shock covered serenas face. 

"why" 

"i told you i would fix it so i did that's what you wanted wasn't it"  
Bernie's confused 

"yes i told you earlier"

Bernie put her head down looking at her hands entwined taking a deep breathe she speaks ......

"i retracted my decision, am still your co lead on aau"

looking up trying to gauge serenas reaction, her face is confused unsure of what bernies saying and then there it is but bern, your not your someone elses co lead now.

" I've resigned"

a tear gently rolls down serenas cheeks, Bernie gently leans in and wipes her tears with her hand .

"don't cry please i cant bear it "

"but bern its true "

"no its not i retracted you resignation Hanson agreed you will need to ring to confirm. 

all the time shes staring into serenas eyes hand holding her cheek 

"but bern i... i... cant everyone was staring"

"you can we will do this together we both have four days leave also Hansen was happy to accommodate my request if we are going to fix us we will need time and space away from everything just me and you ok away from here"

Bernie reaches out to hold serenas hand and she grips tighly 

"and what if we cant fix this what if you leave again"

"i can promise you i wont leave i cant promise you we can fix this but i will try my best i will give you my word"

Bernie could feel her breathing drop awaiting Serena response. she was focused on them both focus on giving Serena what she should of done months ago. god how could i have been so stupid 

 

"Bernie were do we go from here?"

Serena asks with hope and desire deep within her eyes 

"well tomorrow we will pack the car and drive out somewhere, and find a decent hotel anywere you want. but i know a perfect little cottage in the middle of nowhere.  
"and tonight the flat Serena voice breaking a little your going to the flat"

" no ive told you, I am not leaving you"

Bernie moves closer sliding her arm around Serenas waist pulling her in just lying there taking her in words failed her in this moment. Serena tilted her head up staring into bernies eyes and Bernie responded with a deep passionate kiss.  
little moans escaping each of them 

"god serena i want you"

pulling away briefly serenas tilting her head back benies placing kisses upon serenas soft skin trailing down her neck and then. 

"shit i need to stop serena i don't want your first time to be stolen moments on the couch it needs to be perfect come on" 

they both stand in unison leaning into one another grabbing bernies hand 

"come on jasons at rafs come to bed lets sleep"

hands entwined once they reach the bedroom door looking nervously 

"sleep Bernie am to tired for anything else"

ok is the reply in a softly spoken voice as the door is open Bernie gasps 

"just like i imagined"

the room she points 

"imagined hey "

yes i had this moment in my head a thousand times or more every night, before i went to sleep. imagining what you was doing. lying in bed alone. And there I was all alone."

"Bernie stops she's said to much and then decides it's now or never.

"And there i was a few min drive apart but i was never brave enough to tell you" 

open mouthed serena is just standing staring in awe of the words that are falling out of her mouth serena seizes the moment 

"never fail to surprise me ms wolfe and that's why i love you"

stareing intently at Bernie for a response and then nothing so serena turns to walk in the bedroom until shes being pulled back.

" but i don't love you serena Campbell , I am in love with you"

serena places a small kiss on bernies lips she pulls away instantly she had to say this now she had to be honest with herself more so than Serena 

"i knew it before but never understood it. i thought it was because we were such close friends. but then when i kissed you for the first time it felt right I had this overwhelming feeling travel through my whole body and it's still there now. and i didn't know how to react how to contain it" 

"but you said we should keep it confined to theatre you seemed so in control"

" no serena anything but i just wasn't sure if you wanted it too i never thought for a second i was falling for you. and then tonight when you was driving like a maniac it made my heart break never seeing you again the thought of that something happening to you. and then seeing you cry normally i could just walk away i did it with Marcus many of times but then i realised maybe i never loved him if i could choose the army over him and now i cant choose a blasted trauma unit over you. i cant just walk away from you that easily i don't want to see you like this again. i don't want to cause you so much upset so when i say am not leaving you am not am going to stay whatever it takes 

serenas crying happy tears now.

"took me a long time to realise but its true. I am very much in love with you. I am scared and thaats what i meant in the car it scares me to feel like this. Serena is standing starring intently a little ataken back I've been trying to tell you this all night but the words just wouldn't come out that's the thing with me and expressing emotion serena it's really hard for me it's much easier for me to show it than say it."

"Bernie your my best friend and soul mate of course I know this already" 

serena moves her hand to cup Bernie's face kissing her gently.  
moving her hand down her neck slowly 

"and I Bernie Wolfe I am totally utterly in love with you I have been for a while now "

pulling Serena in and placing a deep lingering kiss on her lips tongues crashing together gripping each other. Little moans escaping there lips. Wanting needing more. Bernie's moving Serena across the room towards the bed, until she's lying flat down on her back.

"Serena I've dreamt so many times about this moment Ive wanted this for so long, it's like a dream."


	5. This much is true

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if you want more chapters. Find it difficult to write fluff. Will update if people have interest in this story being continued.

Bernie took Serenas hand, walking her over to the giant pine bed.The room was all creams and Browns, with satin sheets, and a cream duvet, she noted. It looked heavenly. She could see the fire in Serena's eyes. Lying her down on the bed, standing over this heavenly women. Serena smiling up at her raising her eyebrow in a suggestive expression, Bernie smiled back tilting her head to one side. She gently, slowly, started to undo each button on Serena's vibrant blue blouse. Both women's eyes were dancing with desire. Serena lying there with her breasts and abdomen exposed. A flustered Bernie states, 

"Serena Campbell, I am going to make love to you tonight, Bernie stated. 

"God yes" , escaped Serena's mouth, 

Bernie could hear Serena's moan "god I want you." Bernie's heart leaped out of her chest, her breathing raised, oh god she wants this too, And then she stopped. Lying down gently next to her, stroking Serenas face. Her hand trailing down to her rather large breast, feeling through her bra at exactly how turned on Serena was. Bernie fount her erect Nipples. And gently stroking them, pulling tugging at her erect nipples, making Serena moan out more. Bernie could feel herself getting turned on more and more, she had never felt like this before ,never had so much desire for one person. Slowly sitting up she could feel her own breathing getting deeper and deeper, she could feel Serena rocking her hips to and fro, against the satin sheets. Her body was aching for more. Bernie slowly started to remove her trousers revealing her white panties. What a sight she thought as the trousers dropped to the floor. She then slipped her pants to one side to enter her folds. wow, she was wet, very much so soaking her pants. She very easily started to stroke her sex, with each stroke Serena was getting wetter and wetter and the moans were getting louder. Sliding her fingers deep inside, Serenas moans becoming louder. Demanding more, wanting more, Bernie knew Serena was close, so picked up the pace until she felt the muscles clamping her long delicate fingers. Legs tensing, Bernie Lay watching her beautiful face as Serenas orgasm encased her body. Bernie was feeling incredibly turned on her own sex was incredibly wet. Bernie lay beside Serena leaning on her elbow with her hand rested against her face. Serena turned and mirrored her action, staring deep in to Bernie's eyes, kissing hard, fast, like she's never been kissed before. Slowly undressing Bernie peeling off her cloths till she was completely naked before her. Serena sat above her hips, so there groins were touching whilst massaging her breast. Bernie started to arch her back moaning for more. Serena started to lower her hands nervously down to bwrnies sex. feeling soaking wet pants. Serena started to stroke her, Bernie guided her so she could feel her lovers fingers deep inside. With that Bernie was lost her back arched her body tense moans escaping her lips Serena was still touching feeling her lover the more Bernie was Tendring the harder Serena was fucking her circling her thumb around her swollen clit she didn't want Bernie wanting more so she carried on faster harder deep in her telling Bernie how much she wanted her to come for her and then there it was her orgasm ripped through her body. It was quick and furious and Serena loved Ewing Bernie in such a state knowing she made this incredible women into a sexual mess. Bernie's eyes were heavy, Serena laid her naked body next to Bernie, they cuddled together.... just there in that position all night, holding each other.  
Sent from my iPhone


End file.
